Frodo Baggins: Um . . . fine . . . when are you going to give me my pants back?
The Mad Hobbit: I'll give them back AFTER the interview.
Frodo Baggins: Fine, just hurry up, it's cold in here.
The Mad Hobbit: Okey dokey! Question number one is from a fan of yours named Bakzul the Orc. He asks, " Frodo, I'm going to kill you." And how nice!! It's written in blood!!
Frodo Baggins: Um, Mad, I don't think Bakzul is a fan . . . and that's not a question.
The Mad Hobbit: I think someone has a secret admirer!!
Frodo Baggins scratches his head.
The Mad Hobbit: So! The next question is from The Mad Hobbit. She asks, "Frodo, why won't you let me borrow your spatchula to make my famous pies?"
Frodo Baggins: What?
The Mad Hobbit: That's a good question.
Frodo Baggins: Because the last time I lent you a spatchula you used it as a fly swatter!
The Mad Hobbit: That's a good answer. I would like to remove that question from the interview.
Frodo Baggins: Next question!!
The Mad Hobbit: Ok next question! This one comes from Janet in Gondor. She asks, "Boxers or briefs, Frodo?"
Frodo Baggins: Hey, that's personal!!
The Mad Hobbit: Boxers!! White ones!!
Frodo Baggins: MAD!!
The Mad Hobbit laughs insanely
Frodo Baggins: THAT'S IT!! GIVE ME BACK MY PANTS RIGHT NOW!!
The Mad Hobbit: No! I stole them off your clothes line fair and square!
Frodo Baggins crumples some beer cans
The Mad Hobbit: Feel better?
Frodo Baggins: Actually . . . yeah.
The Mad Hobbit: Shall we continue?
Frodo Baggins: I guess.
The Mad Hobbit: Ok our last question comes from Zack in Rivendell. He asks " If Superman and the Flash were in a race, who would win?"
Frodo Baggins: Gee . . . I don't know. Superman's faster than a speeding bullet, but the Flash is the flash.
The Mad Hobbit: I think Superman would win!
Frodo Baggins: No, the Flash would!
The Mad Hobbit: Who asked you?
Frodo Baggins: You did!!
The Mad Hobbit: Oh . . . . what was I saying?
Frodo Baggins: You were about to give me my pants back.
The Mad Hobbit: Here you go! Thanks for the interview!
The Mad Hobbit gives Frodo his pants back.
Frodo Baggins: Thanks, don't mention it.
The Mad Hobbit: Ok!
Frodo Baggins: No really, don't tell anyone about this!
The Mad Hobbit: Ok!
The Mad Hobbit grins.
Frodo Baggins leaves the room
The Mad Hobbit: Thus concludes our interview with the Fellowship Member of the Month for April 2002. Return next month for our interview the next randomly selected reward recipient.
Darth Cheese enters the room and looks around.
Darth Cheese: Where's Frodo? I wanted to see him without his pants!!
The Mad Hobbit: He was somethin' to see, if you know what I mean.
The Mad Hobbit winks
Darth Cheese: I don't know what you mean.
The Mad Hobbit: Good, neither do I . . .
The Mad Hobbit grins
Darth Cheese: You'd just better be glad this wasn't the Merry interview!!
The Mad Hobbit: Want some pie? I got stawberry pie, cherry pie, chocolate pie-
Darth Cheese walks off mumbling to herself.
The Mad Hobbit: Raspberry pie, mud pies, lemon merangue pie, ooh, pecan pie . . .
(Lord of the Rings--Lindy Wilkins & Gabrielle Harvey)