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28 September 2009 @ 06:59 pm
All I ever wanted to do was make LJ icons.  
Right before starting yet another week in my hellhole of graphic design, I had a dream that apparently made my hole a little deeper. In my dream, I was late to my engineering class. While on the way, a girl ran in front of my sister's car and got ran over, which obviously was her fault, but she complained about her ankle being broken, which led to my teacher R coming at me and screaming about how he didn't believe me when I said it was her fault. While arguing, I realized I was only as tall as my teacher's waist, which pissed me off so much in addition to his ramblings about my sister's driving that I pulled out a gun and shot him. Several times. Then while he was running away, I shot him again. Afterward, my sister took me to class, but we couldn't find any parking, so we parked far away in a different lot. When we came back, we got a parking ticket because the lot didn't take student permits.

I was so frustrated I woke up crying. Even when my cat was so sick I thought he was laying on his death bed I didn't cry, but a dream about the shittiest day in my life made me cry.

It's funny how your worst enemy is yourself. No one made me cry except my subconscious mind, which at this point, I find is more evil than me. So as Spencer Reid points out, it's my eviler twin. All the things that I feared, the things that frustrated me, angered me, sadden me—all those things came to life. The resentment I felt toward myself because of my height, the frustration I felt for that stupid girl who wanted to sue my sister for her accident, my teacher ganging up on me, the fear of being late to class, the anger I felt when I get a ticket—It's amazing how pent-up negativity can really affect a mind and drive me to want to shoot one of my nicest design teachers.
van Jory_phyxsius on September 29th, 2009 01:31 pm (UTC)
:( That's a very scary dream, really. *hugs*
letranbe_tran on September 29th, 2009 10:42 pm (UTC)
maybe sometimes it's easier and better to break/release our emotions in our dreams than to reach the breaking point in real life and do something we might regret later.