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28 September 2009 @ 06:28 pm
I want to bang my head until it bleeds.  
Today I was mindlessly not paying attention when my teacher called on me to answer a question, to which I replied, "What's that?" Then after a moment's pause, he repeated the question, something like "What does montage do for this title sequence?" to which I then replied with a very long "Uhhh" followed by a long pause. Not wanting to look like an idiot by admitting that I didn't know what the hell "montage" meant, I opted for looking like an idiot who didn't pay attention to my teacher's lecture.

I should have known I would look like an idiot either way, but I didn't, which makes me double the idiot. I then commenced to bang my head on my table throughout the whole day.

Obviously I have never been a great student due to my inability to stay focused for more than ten seconds. My mind wanders, even when Dane Cook is talking, and he's funny as hell. Fuck if I can stay focused in class. It's entirely my fault. I don't think I've ever been able to focus to something for more than a minute. I try a lot of the times just to test myself out, but I find that random images always pop up in my head while someone is talking. I could be listening to important critiques by my teachers and then BAM I'm thinking about drinking that soda in my backpack, which leads to me feeling like I need to take care of my teeth more, which then leads to me remembering that I haven't brushed my teeth since that morning, and then BLINK, I'm back in the real world, finding out I just missed two sentences out of my teacher's mouth.

Sometimes I'm aware of this fact and I try so hard to hang onto people's words, but I always wander. Always. So most of the time I opt for not paying attention at all.
(Deleted comment)
Meeps!: x-men - wolverine - me MAN!dark_soul_lost on September 30th, 2009 02:59 am (UTC)
I have most of the symptoms of ADD, but I guess I just ignored it. Doesn't seem to do me any good though.
letranbe_tran on September 29th, 2009 10:41 pm (UTC)
one word: adderall. words on the street are that it's not that hard to obtain. pls don't throw me in jail.
Meeps!: bob - speirs - frightened?dark_soul_lost on September 30th, 2009 02:57 am (UTC)