Meeps! (dark_soul_lost) wrote,

I am here again.

School starts next week. I can't seem to wrap my head around this fact because I was hoping I'd die before it starts, but fate, it seems, is not on my side.

Last semester, I started my first semester as an official graphic design students. I've taken a few design classes before being official, but none of them came close to what I experienced in my design program.

In a way, I was hoping to achieve a lot of great things and learn amazing things from my teachers, but so far I have been sorely disappointed.

My teachers, and I say this with confidence, appear to be the kinds whose purposes in life are to achieve some sort of popularity amongst their colleagues, create an "elite" community amongst themselves, make sure they receive a monthly income in the end, and could care less about who they have to step on to get to where they want to be.

I am sad to say I have yet to learn much about design from them during that first semester. However, I have learned much from them about designers, and I can't help but feel like all designers are stuck up because all they want is to be elitists.

I didn't become a designer for this. I didn't become a designer to have gallery shows and famous designers fighting to talk to me. I didn't become a designer so I can step on people to get to the top. I only wanted to be a designer because I like art and design and I enjoyed creating works of art. Not so others can be amazed at what I did, but so I could prove to myself I wasn't a total failure. And last, but not least, I wanted to be a designer because art was the one thing that I didn't totally suck at.

Now that I'm in the design program, I feel like I'm surrounded by people who could care less about me, especially my teachers. I'm constantly surrounded by people who, on the outside, will tell me they are hard on me because they want me to succeed, but on the inside, what they really want is to create an elite program so they could launch themselves into the list of top design schools. I don't want to be like them. I have been spending time with a lot of positive non-designer people, and I feel a lot happier with myself and my life. That is who I want to be, not someone like the design teachers I have whose selfishness has beaten a lot of us down.

I used to love drawing, painting, and designing. I was inspired. Now there is no inspiration left. Everything was beaten out of me by my teachers.

I can't drop out now though. I've gone so far and I'm not getting any younger. I have three more semesters to go. Hopefully I pass all my classes. I need this degree. I used to want to do it for the sake of designing because I was so proud of the things I've accomplished, but even that is no longer there. Just three more semesters, and I can say adios to design forever.

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